20 Cat Tweets You Could Swear You Wrote About Your Live-In Feline Friend

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  • 01
    Keifer @DannyVegito girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after taco bell menu items
  • 02
    Sarah Kessler @moveablej... 2d My wife has taken to leaving the butter on the counter European-style and I just caught the cat LICKING THE BUTTER and it appears she's been doing this for months and that we've been eating CAT-BUTTER please send help immediately 5,544 78.4K 1 Sarah Kessler @moveablejaw We literally just had a convo about how each of us thought the other was taking weird dented knifefuls of butter from the stick but IT WAS THE CAT, whose Velcro tongue ridges are in fact VISIBLE ON
  • 03
    arvo färt @arvofart Every cat owner is like "this is my beautiful angel child, Vehicular Manslaughter. I found him in the garbage and he is the dumbest creature on earth.”
  • 04
    Megan Wegenke @MegWegenke I don't completely know how to explain this, but as a cat owner you quickly learn that "absence of cat (chill)" and "absence of cat (suspicious)" are two very different kinds of silence
  • 05
    [first date] Him: I'm a cat person. You? Me: [trying to impress] *makes eye contact *pushes everything off table *bends over *shows him my butthole.
  • 06
    Jesse Case @jessecase I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don't need that kind of ego in the house.
  • 07
    only-cat-memes Aug 17 Imagine hating me and I'm just at home splitting a cheese stick with my cat. ...
  • 08
    yourshadowtwin People laugh about how cats love boxes, but if there was suddenly a box bigger than you in your living room, you'd probably go in it too.
  • 09
    Keara Sullivan @superkeara With friendships I have what I like to call "outdoor cat attachment style." Some weeks u will see me a ton and other weeks u will not know if I'm dead or alive but don't worry I still love u I will not forget u 10:35 PM 2023-10-30 201K Views 1.8K Reposts 48 Quotes 9.6K Likes 450 Bookmarks
  • 10
    A lot of people are confused by the concept of "cat years," so here's a guide to how you can think of the age of a cat. less than 1 year: Just a little baby 1-3 years: Just a little baby 4-6 years: Just a little baby 7-10 years: Just a little baby 11+ years: elderly baby
  • 11
    giulia @jmashh_ how do people not like cats???? the gentle boops?? their toe beans?? noggin rubs?? lil' bread loaf tucked peets?? their bigggggggg stretchems?? y'all dumb AF they are PRECIOUS L
  • 12
    jarrett sleeper @jarrettsleeper Domestic partnerships: mostly interrupting your partner to force them to look at your shared pet. You do this as if it were an emergency. You do this with a raised voice and an unpleasant intensity. Pet looks the same as yesterday and five minutes ago. That doesn't matter. Look.
  • 13
    star @cutestgoth You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care 3:22 AM 2023-09-09 171K Views 2,304 Reposts 50 Quotes 8,859 Likes 138 Bookmarks
  • 14
    Brian Blickenstaff @BKBlick My wife got this papoose/sling thing for our ridiculously spoiled cat and now when we're cooking the cat throws temper tantrums and the only way to make her stop is to break out the cat bag and let her ride in it. • 11:37 AM 25 Sep 20 TweetDeck
  • 15
    latke @latkedelrey cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent and vanilla and happiness
  • 16
    I thought I was being clever, putting the litter box on wheels so I could slide it out from under the stairs, but I have inadvertently created a Mad Max-esque vehicle which my cat uses to roll around the house, dragging himself with his front paws, the entire time shitting.
  • 17
    Fiona Zublin @bear_foot me, to plumber: I'm so sorry about the cat, he thinks everyone is his best friend plumber: it's okay, I'm used to people's cats. ::two minutes later, from the other room:: plumber: mister smitten, you are a born plumber; after this we will get a nice sandwich.
  • 18
    minecraft kiwi @lexizinger at my wedding my cat will be the flower girl and she will be guided down the aisle with a laser pointer
  • 19
    + hissambajwa 9h Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.
  • 20
    pauline @weed_rat hey babe come look at the cat. he looks the same as he always does and hes just sitting there. babe come look. hey come look at the cat

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